Dhavids dead’orse!

I hated the Mateys!

The only reason I can fathom to remember calling this senior couple such a name was because of a bubble bath doing the rounds at the time by the same name which had let me down.

All I can honestly remember though, Is they deserved to have half their roof covered in tomatoes, with the way they caried on!

The ladz and I spent heaps of time over in the creek catching tadpoles, muddling the water and trying to dam the river. They didn’t like it, but I was, and still am, defiant!

Adz, Jamaz and I were locked out of the house that day after school and I persuaded the team to pelt their roof with these plump and juicy red balls of love.

We got in the shit big time that day, I’m fairly certain they even called the police on us, we got banned from hangin out and I was grounded.

There was never anything malicious about it, I just didn’t like them. We had no computers, phones or any of the modern technology that keeps kids out of the dirt these days, we were just boys being boys, having some fun.

We grew up eatin REAL ‘tomarta’ sauce and I had never tasted the processed stuff until I was 4 or 5 or something.

There wasn’t a lick of processed dead’orse at 9 Guilford until around the time I painted my neighbours roof, It was probably around this time when the old man started buying it also!

Fair to say no Dead’orse that season for 9 Guilford!

In all my time in kitchens, I have never made a tomato sauce. Relish, yes! Chutney, he’ll yeah, but no dead orse!

These days there seems to be some sort of underground movement in relation to all different kinds of small brand varieties of everything you can think of. Flavoured vinegars, infused oils, jams, chutneys and anything else you can think of that your nan used to bung together back in the day, especially tomato sauce.

A tomato is the edible, often red, berry of the plant Solanum lycopersicum, more commonly known as a tomato plant. The species originated in western South America. The original word tomatl, for which the Aztecs spoke, gave rise to the Spanish word tomate, from which the English word tomato derived. Its use as a cultivated food would have most likely originated with the native peoples of Mexico brewing up their chilli beans and taco sauces. Basically after the Spaniards rolled in durimg the 16th century and small poxed the native folk in to oblivion, they took it back to their mother land. From there I guess, our ancestors from mother Europe got down and dirty creating many delicacies like napoli, relish and my all time favourite, tomato sauce.

For the last 20 years in kitchens, I have always plotted what concoctions I could make and sell one day. It’s on the bucket list, to make my own one day, but I’ll be talking up other punters goods in the meantime! Like Johnos range of tomato sauce and other Solanum lycopersicum based goodness!

I have just had a break from the high stakes and soul crushing pressure of kitchens working at a local vegetable supplier, Youngs veggie shed, and these cats have all the stock available to all the Mugs and Sheila’s out there looking to have a crack at making their own sauce or anything that calls for localally or nationally grown and sourced produce, or even just your veggies on grocery day.

Not to mention an insane amount of small company varieties of peanut butter, pasta sauces, jams and many other different types of tasty little licks!

Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined that I would suck at working in a supply house, but I surely do.

Time for me to get my Ready to Rock Hospitality Uniform out of the closet and do what I do best, which is cook tantalising food!

As it would turn out, the Mateys were not to bad. Mr Nelson was a former golden glove boxer, his wife was a strict old lady who was obviously extreamly protective of the best garden in the street. The local creek ran directly under their house, which in turn provided a great natural watering system. And in all honesty, we were little shits. Glad I got it out of my system as a grommet!

I have built and played with a few gardens myself over the journey, yet I’m still a horticulturalist in progress. Would be sweet to have the Mateys around for advice, but mother time waits for no one!

Over all, make sure you support your locals and don’t give your neighbours to much grief, you never know when you’ll need them!